Empowering you to heal and move forward from the effects of a difficult mother
In an ideal world, our mother is our best friend, confidant, ally and her love for us is unconditional. But what if our relationship with our mother is the opposite – confusing, hurtful, painful and, dare we say it, a little toxic?
The effects of a difficult relationship with your mother don't automatically disappear when you leave home, but it's possible to learn how its affected you and grow from what you learn so that the lasting effect is one of greater self-understanding, a greater understanding of others and a greater sense of peace and happiness.
Websites Offering Support:
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics
There is no lower or upper age limit to be affected by your parent’s drinking and sometimes the problems only become apparent in adulthood. You can be affected regardless of whether you are still living with them, whether they are still drinking or even if they are still alive or not.
There is a section specifically for adults, as well as for for children and for young people. Nacoa provide Help & Advice, a free helpline, suggested books and a Concerned others & professionals section.
Psychologies – Toxic Mother
She says she loves you. You know she needs you. Yet you are on high alert in her company, waiting for the next outburst or put-down. The time you spend with her leaves you feeling apologetic, unworthy, unlovable or timid – and these beliefs pervade every area of your life…
Books on this subject:
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
“Until reading this book I was going through sheer hell. I could not understand why my mother behaves the way she does. Since reading this book, so many things about my childhood, teenage and adult years now make so much more sense. I no longer blame myself for the failures I was accused of and am in a much better position to live my life in the way I want to, no longer trying to please a woman who will never, ever be pleased.” (An Amazon Review)
Toxic Parents – Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Millions of lives are damaged by the legacy of parental abuse. Parents who ignored their children’s needs or overburdened them with guilt. Parents who were alcoholic or addicted to drugs. Parents who were exploitative and cruel, or simply indifferent and inadequate. When these children reach adulthood the damage done by their toxic parents manifests itself in depression, or difficulties with relationships, careers and decision-making.
This landmark book, by bestselling author and psychologist Dr Susan Forward, confronts this painful legacy and shows why it is so difficult to put the past behind you. She offers effective alternatives for achieving inner peace and for freeing yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationships with your parents.
They F** You Up: How to Survive Family Life
Do your relationships tend to follow the same destructive pattern? Do you feel trapped by your family’s expectations of you? Does your life seem overwhelmingly governed by jealousy or competitiveness or lack of confidence? In this ground-breaking book, clinical psychologist Oliver James shows that it is the way we were cared for in the first six years of life that has a crucial effect on who we are and how we behave. Nurture, in effect, shapes our very nature. James combines the latest scientific research with fascinating interviews to show that understanding your past is the first step to controlling your present.
Mothers Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters
author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters–and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy.
In more than 35 years as a therapist, Forward has worked with large numbers of women struggling to escape the emotional damage inflicted by the women who raised them. Subjected to years of criticism, competition, role-reversal, smothering control, emotional neglect and abuse, these women are plagued by anxiety and depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence and difficulties with trust. They doubt their worth, and even their ability to love.
Forward examines the Narcissistic Mother, the Competitive Mother, the Overly Enmeshed mother, the Control Freak, Mothers who need Mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse.
Warm and compassionate, Mothers Who Can’t Love offers daughters the emotional support and tools they need to heal themselves and rebuild their confidence and self-respect.
It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Inherited family trauma is currently an area of growing interest, as science increasingly explores what we know intuitively: that the effects of trauma can pass from one generation to the next, and that the answers to some of our greatest life problems often lie not within our own story, but in the experiences of our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and extended family. Here, pioneer Mark Wolyn shows readers how they can overcome inherited trauma and reclaim their lives.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
In the June 29th issue of Newsweek magazine Dr. Drew Pinsky named Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books available today, calling it the granddaddy of addiction tomes. Is someone else’s problem your problem? If, like so many others, you’ve lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else’s, you may be codependent – -and you may find yourself in this book — Codependent No More.
The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America’s best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life. With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency — charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved (Emotionally Immature) Parents
Having emotionally immature parents can be confusing & even damaging. This book helps you resolve the issues this has caused. On the plus side, you likely cultivated strengths such as self-reliance and independence along the way. These strengths can serve you well as an adult. However, damage needs to be resolved and healed. For instance, you need to be able to move on from feelings of loneliness and abandonment caused by how your parents were.
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